Kitsune is still fucking scrawny. At the dog park today, there were two other Shiba's and they were fluffy and had a full winter coat and were at least a foot tall. So beautiful. How long do I have to wait?

My toilet flooded this afternoon. Bitch. So disgusting. I mean, I didnt really need an excuse to wash my bathroom floor, but after I cleaned up the water, now Im tempeted to just leave it and not 'Comet" it to disinfect. Wouldnt that be gross if I just left it?

I cant do it. Last time, I said "forget this shit and forget him" but there's a new picture thats been posted and now I'm back where i started. if YOU'D seen it, youd feel the same way.

It's come to this: I joined a temp agency today. Not that I mind starting at the bottom or anything, but I'm ending up having even less freedom than I thought I would. Now I gotta leave my phone on 24/7 so they can call me at 8am every morning to let me know if I'll be working or not. Just like a substitute teacher, only I dont have to deal with kids. Damn good thing too...

I had to take a load of tests: Excel, Word, Power Point, typing, spelling, accuracy, matching, etc. Dont ask me what my test scores were... if you wanna live. I thought I'd at least score well on Word. I got 88% on the Power Point test and that was my best test. I bombed the spelling test too! ME?!?!?! WHAT in the Hell is going on here? To make matters worse, I was forced to quit my precious volunteer job at the Central Library teaching English! And all to make a lousy 9-10 dollars per hour until I stop stalling and study for entrance exams for a REAL job in the Environ/Transp. Planning field like I'm supposed to...

I also had an epiphany tonight: I need to stop adoring ______ and going on about how wonderful and amazing he is. I cant even believe I let it get this far. I feel so stupid and totally guilty. Why revere a person over God? You know who i'm talking about and if you dont, it's better that you dont get me started.

This Saturday, I'm playing Kore Kara with Chikara at the church's talent show as a Banana (Halloween) and also singing "final distance" as a solo act. ALSO in costume. Dont you wish you could be there? It's gonna be great cuz Mom and Dad will be in town this weekend.

So I was rememberieng a time when I was thankful for something. It's this. I was really sick so Kristine took me to the ER at Hoag Medical Center in Newport. She had to leave so left me there, where I thought I was dying and where the doctors didnt even see me till 5 hours later. I was miserable and scared and alone. Finally, I'm being examined, surrounded by other sick and wounded patients, and see the most beautiful thing ever. My boyfriend was suddenly there. I remember him walking past all the doctors to get to my bed, where he held my hand as they took my blood, and then took me to the drug store on the way home. He also made me chicken soup, without adding water.  I dont remember the last time I was so relieved to see someone in my life.

This was a long time ago.

Okay, so I've determined that any guy I ever go out with or have a relationship with hereafter can only be someone whom I already know and someone whom I see on a regular basis. To be Marcy-Datable is to need no introduction to my personality and to be already accustomed to my horribly honest mouth. Any other guy is fucked because he has not had the warning or proper instruction on how to deal with my horribly honest mouth, which is unfortunately what I use when meeting new people. For some reason totally beyond my understanding, I am super successful in fucking scaring every new guy I take an interest in. I completely blow my chance of even being friends with them. Ive already done this with two exceptional boys, one of which I will never forgive myself for. I mean well. My intentions are harmless but my words come out totally lethal. When I mean to say, "Hey, what are you doing later?" I actually say, " Yeah, I only met you once but that was enough for me and I think youre wonderful even though you have no idea WHY I think so, and when can you take some time off work so we can get married?" No fuckin joke man. I have no fear and no shame. I have no idea why I have to be so insistent, honest, and impatient about it. But i can't NOT. Theories abound as to why I'm like this but Ive given up on trying to put my finger on one. You may be thinking, I know why youre like this Marcy.........it's so obvious.

oh yeah?

Maybe I just need to wait for the one guy who can tolorate me and my terribly honest mouth? Why settle for a guy who doesnt appreciate the real Marcy, ne? I'll tell myself why: It's because no one like that exists, you stupid bitch.

Something's gotta change around here...

Dude, all of a sudden I'm having like options when I'm writing on this thing. Like color and and spell check and font options. But wait. I dont have premium Xanga. What in the hell is going on? It's bound to not last... Anyway, my latest hobby is translating Beatrix Potter stories from hiragana to romaji at the library and reading them aloud to pretend like I can read Japanese. Last week I translated THE STORY OF A FIERCE BAD RABBIT. Tonight, I read my translation of THE TALE OF MISS MOPPET to Kuni at IHOP and made him translate every sentence in English even though i already know the story.

Do you? I didnt think so.  Nobody does.